Time to Be Directly Indirect

So if you listen to The Poe and Bear Podcast, you will know that I personally was not around for most of the episode that was titled #BlameBear. There are multiple reasons for it, but I will start by going piece by piece and addressing things.

First, I had an episode on Friday. I am undergoing radiation to work to shrink a tumor on my pituitary gland. I will soon have an update on that front, but to the skinny, I had a seizure. I am one to think I have worked hard through this before and have done more work wise than this, but the funny thing I am learning through all of this is that you are at some point going to pay.

Second, Liv is not wrong. When I fall for someone, I fall hard. I fall so hard that I sometimes face plant. She has known me for practically my entire adult life and is getting to know the side of me that very few people have ever seen. I am also probably the most beat around the bush, indirect person in the world. I am guilty of that. If you listen to the episode, you will hear about a couple of examples of how indirect I am. I mean, it genuinely me, but who knows … I could change.

When I say I could change, I will tell you she makes me want to make positive changes in my life. One thing is that I want to slow down. In my adult life, i have never really had someone in my life that has ever made me want to do that. A second thing is most of the time lately when i have been making a decision, she is slightly involved in the decision making. I rarely have done that with anyone else. A third thing is that if i am out and about, in the past i have been a major pop drinker. Since i have been undergoing treatment, i have switched to mainly water, whether im around her or not. It isn’t necessarily something she did, but she many times drinks water and it has rubbed on me.

The truth is, even though i have feelings, I am not in a position to act on them. I personally feel that if I cant be 100% in all I do, that it will not work. Liv has been a rock for me and I can’t understate that, but I feel if I were not 100% that I would be setting up for disaster. In my mind, for me to do something like that would not be right because I feel she deserves the best.

Blue October has a song that is called Fight for Love. I will embed it into this post, but a number of times, the lyrics say to Fight for Love, even if it breaks your heart. The lyrics also say to never settle for anything less.

Next week, I hope you have a great Valentine’s Day (if that is what you celebrate) or a great Singles Awareness Day.